Just Between Us magazine is focusing on the positive. Oh, there’s reality, but in celebration of the upside of life’s downsides, we wrote articles for JBU on the gifts of recovery. “The lesser atrocities of what used to be addiction?” Nope, gifts. You might be thinking …
This sounds so lightweight, so cheerleaderish for me to say. Last week in a Minneapolis coffee shop I arranged computer documents in my Writing file. I clicked on a piece I had journaled called “It’s Never Enough,” written at my personal worst when motherhood was at an all time low. My chest heaved in and out as I read myself lament in words, that I had worked so hard to be a good and loving mom to this child and it all seemed for nothing. Love, teaching and prayer on Teflon. That’s how it felt and with absolutely no point to it, that I could see.
The only thing that made sense to me was God when I circled my thoughts back to Him and wrote:
“He loved and gave and gave and loved. He taught and kissed and listened and touched. He left them notes about how much He loved them – lots and lots of notes. He cried too when they didn’t want what He offered. They didn’t respond to all that He did. In return they were mean, and sassy and they killed Him and He let them — to make the point that He loved them. He’d do anything for them. He did everything for them.
Just like me, He did have some children who responded. Some got it and heard truth when He spoke and then adjusted their lives accordingly. As much joy as that brought to Him, His heart still ached for those who blew Him off. A shepherd looking for that one lost sheep, is how He described the feeling. Thankful for those compliant sheep, but not content without that one who left, He loves all the sheep the same and with His life. He’d give it to have that one back.
I know He gets it.
“…remind them (me) gently, Lord, how You have trouble with Your children too.” — Ruth Bell Graham (italics mine)
Every time we tell our story; a life story of faith, survival or resilience, it’s good to be reminded of the rescue and redemption. It’s so good for me to remember how it hurt and how God helped. Just keep going.