“Thank goodness he’s only smoking marijuana.” I hear parents say this and I get it. They are grateful that their kid isn’t driving drunk, popping pills, shooting or sniffing — as far as they know. There are lots of things to be grateful for in this world, but marijuana use isn’t one of them. …Read more
You know those old Turner movies that show time advancing by the fast-flipping pages of a day calendar? No parent of a struggling child sees time that way – ever. You won’t hear them say, “I can hardly believe a month has flown by since we last heard from her!” You’ll hear, “No communication since July 26th. It’s been 29 days.” …Read more
One of my favorite photographs from the two zillion shots at our son’s recent wedding is our daughter-in-law linking arms with all her bridesmaids, running toward Lake Michigan. What I love about it is how the photographer behind them caught Sara and her sister turning their heads and looking joyously at each other. Everyone else is facing the water straight ahead. When we’re having a moment, we look at our sister, at our brother. There’s something about a sibling.
The times my mother was being the mom in our crazy mother-daughter complexities, I found solace in my brother who understood the players. In her old age, my brother and I talked a lot and often visited her together. We could agonize next to each other or crack jokes that were necessary for mental health purposes. We were and are a team.…Read more
Let’s count down on the top ways you can sabotage a loved one’s recovery, starting with:
#5 LOOK ON THEM AS DAMAGED GOODS
Sound harsh? I’ve heard all this and worse from well-meaning family members and friends who do not recognize the possibility of long-term recovery, or are just afraid to hope anymore.
#4 MANAGE THEIR LIFE FOR THEM
Because obviously your loved one is not capable. So you pay the bills, pick up the kids and put gas in the car. You put your own life
In her book, Carry On, Warrior, Glennon Doyle Melton writes, “When your miracle doesn’t happen the way you planned, it becomes important to look for peripheral miracles. Peripheral miracles are those that aren’t directly in front of you. They’re not the one on which you’ve been so damned focused. You have to turn your head to see peripheral miracles.”
I held a self-pity fiesta the other night and invited my husband, Bush. Read this with a tearful, pathetic voice, Me -“I feel disappointed that God hasn’t….” whatever. My actual fill-in-the-blank doesn’t matter, you’ve been there. …Read more