I am not an addict but I’ve mothered one. Our son has been in three states and not in the Midwest. He’s been in the state of pre-addiction where he most likely had the addictive predisposition personality but was busy with Power Rangers and banana popsicles. He has been in the addicted state for, well, who knows when that kicked in after his first marijuana cigarette in sixth grade. Now he is in a state of recovery – post addiction you could say, where I pray he will remain forever and ever.
He is fully himself without drugs, with all the goodness I knew was in there. We parents of addicted children always say that,. “He/she really is a sensitive, sweet, funny and caring child. He/she is very smart. He used to play varsity tennis. She used to be on the pom squad.” We feel the need to convince you that the tornado you see is a gentle breeze in its natural state.
My point of introduction is that I’ve watched addiction and heard a lot about it on the backside so I’m posting what I’m told is true and little known. Hear it straight from Ted’s mouth.
I pulled this article from Facebook,, “An Addict’s Wish List (#5 is So True!)” because it’s good for us (everyone) to know these things. We think addicts are selfish — they are. We think they are angry, depressed and aliens — they are. We think a lot but truth be told, here, from drugabuse.com, are three things they think:
We wish… we didn’t lead double lives.
Functioning addicts get up, go to work, get decent grades, take care of the kids and, all the while, feed rapidly growing addictions. We’re so embarrassed to be in this shape that we work doubly hard to hide it from you. We act like everything is fine. In truth, our lives are quietly falling apart.
We wish…we weren’t such a disappointment.
Disappointing you is devastating. We wanted to be sons and daughters you could be proud of; we know we’re failing in that respect. Day after day, the pain in your eyes cuts us like a knife. Self-medicating is the only way we think we can avoid dealing with that pain.
We wish…addiction hadn’t turned us into manipulative liars.
We’ve learned to manipulate the people we love and it’s all in the name of feeding our habit. We know how to tug at your heartstrings and convince you to give in. What we really need, however, is for you to say no. One day, we’ll thank you for it.
I’m throwing in a bonus wish from the list. We parents need to know…
We wish…we had never hurt you.
No matter what our intentions, as long as we are active in addiction, we inflict pain on the very people who love us the most. The hurt we cause you makes us hate ourselves. Every time we look in the mirror, we’re disgusted…and so very sorry.
On the recovery side of our son’s addiction, he has told us these things are true and that he is so very sorry. He has made amends to Bush, me, and his brothers and although unnecessary, I see him trying to make it up to each of us. He’s back. That was my wish.
Sarah this was so moving. When my daughter was in the throws of her addiction, I would have never believed this was true. Now as she is recovering we have talked as a family about items on the “Addict’s wish list”
Fantastic Sarah, thank you so much for sharing. Your story is such an inspiration to us who are mothers of addict’s.
Love & Blessings
Dear Mother of an Addict,
Thanks for sharing about your recovering family. We need to hear about hope realized on the other side. Keep recovering.
Thank you so much, Sarah, for sharing this with us. My son is in recovery, finally, after years of all you described….selfishness, anger, manipulation, lying, destruction, etc. So much hurt and pain for us as his family. And I see too, even though in the beginning stages, that he is so sorry for what he sees of the pain and agony he caused us. Each of these 5 wishes are true for him as well. So thankful, for the voice of hope that you are, Sarah. And the voice of understanding. And for educating us. I would not have done as well without your help and your book. Grateful.