I’ve taken some classes in the past two years. If my family is reading this they are rolling their eyes because I refer to something in those classes about every 2.7 minutes. In the most recent course Professor Dan Green explained that when we are fearful we often try to control because controlling (or the illusion of it) soothes our inner self. Our insides are chaotic so we try to control the outside.
In addition to people, places and things, I have tried to control God. When things were chaotic and I couldn’t fix them, I tried that disciple-in-the-boat-in-a-storm thing and woke up who seemed to me like a sleeping God. “Can’t you see I’m dying here? Do whatever You do in Your God way to change this. I’m freaking out and You’re chilling out.” What I love about this scenario is, 1. That…
Ted and I went to New York again last spring because it’s our happy place. My husband would rather light his hair on fire than go to New York on purpose. “You two go and have fun!” he chirps. Walking down 5th Avenue one night I made Ted stop at the street level Saks windows. Each of the ten sections represented a fragrance line with a different floral theme, all made out of a hard paper. I lingered in astonishment as long as a mom could.
“How does this HAPPEN?” I exclaim to Ted. “How do people think of these things and then do this? The creativity of human beings is jarringly beautiful.”
New York City is awash in human creativity from the Brooklyn Bridge to Williamsburg wall graffiti to our play’s set decoration to the funky outfit combos darling New York girls throw together. When…Read more
In my life, especially when Ted was in his addiction, I have begged God. If prayers were power, I could levitate a chair. But they aren’t my power, they are conversations with The Power.
Sometimes I want something so much — usually for one of my children — that the prayer comes deep from my chest as tears drop from my eyes. I’ve seen God do huge miracles, some of them recent, and yet more of life happens and I want this other thing that is yet undone. Please.…Read more